Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A.
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
“Hallo, President Obama ” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Archie, up ere at the…
Harp Seal Pub in Badger’s Cove , Newfoundland , Canada , he? I am callin’ to tells ya
dat we are officially declaring war on ya!”
“Well Archie,” Barack replied, “This is indeed important news !
How big is your army?”
“Right now,” said Archie, after a moments calculation “there is myself, me cousin Harold,
me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!”
Barack paused. “I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to
move on my command.”
“Wow,” said Archie. “I’ll have at call ya back!”
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. ” Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have
managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be Archie?” Barack asked.
“Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry ‘s farm tractor.”
President Obama sighed. “I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000
armored personnel carriers. Also I’ve increased my army to one and a half million since
we last spoke.”
“Lord above”, said Archie, “I’ll be getting back to ya.”
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. ” President Obama, the war is still on!
We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an’ modified Harrigan’s ultra-light
wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!”
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. “I must tell you Archie that I have
10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”
“Jumpins,” said Archie, “l’ll have at call youse back.”
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. ” President Obama! I am sorry to have to
tell you dat we have had to call off dis ‘ere war.”
“I’m sorry to hear that” said Barack . “Why the sudden change of heart?”
Well, sir,” said Archie, “we’ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints,
and come to realize dat dere’s no friggin way we can feed two million prisoners.”
Kirk Higgins
Moto-Tow Inc.
Is Kirk a Rat Bastard? You Betcha!
Kirk Higgins… back again
