Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar & a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning & when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It’s so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job 16 years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, play golf, cruise around & shoot ball with his buddies & has sex with hookers, while I work so hard to pay our bills.
Since our daughter went away to college & then got …married, he doesn’t even pretend to like me & hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed: Confused
Dear Confused,
Grow up and dump him. You don’t need him anymore! Good grief woman, you’re running for President of the United States!
I went on a blind date once………It didn’t start out that way, but she brought pepper spray.
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Tony says as he stepped out of the shower.
“Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
She replied, “Probably that I married you for your money.”
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,
‘This is from the gentleman who is seated over there’….
and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds,
not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response,
took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
*The note read:* ‘For me to accept this bottle,
you need to have a Mercedes in your garage,
a million dollars in the bank
and 7 inches in your pants……
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in
return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter
and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
*It read:* ‘Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to
be:
“I have a Ferrari Maranello,
a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a PorscheTurbo in my several garages;
I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in
Texas .
There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you,
would I cut off two inches.
*So just send the fucking wine back
